I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
