I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
