Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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