yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
