Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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