there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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