spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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