Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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