I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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