you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
