I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.