I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
