Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
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I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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