The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
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Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
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Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
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