based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
i out mim tonsoeep
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