i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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