I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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