She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
