1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm lost and stupid without you.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
