Sacagawea was the original milf.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Randomize
