everyone is single if you try hard enough
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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