You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
