1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
