Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
