so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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