So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
