The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
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