i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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