Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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