just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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