You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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