Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize