I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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