No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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