Can i not drive my cunt home
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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