I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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