dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
