That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
