Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
