Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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