Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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