I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
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I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
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Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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