They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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