Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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