I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
