She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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