Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
