She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
