Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
