East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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