I will die if light touches me.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
