The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
