Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
