highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
