If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
