your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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