I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
