i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
