When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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