I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
