if i can run in heels then i can drive
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
