he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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