so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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