I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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