Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
