I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I understand Curling. That high.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
