He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
