dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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