Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
