Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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