If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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