At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
